It might be the first one who leaves or it could be the last. Perhaps it’s the middle child but it’s bound to happen—that feeling of awkwardness, of not knowing what is going on with this child who has left our nest. We feel anxious because we’re used to knowing what they are up to and now we don’t. Now we wonder: Should I call her again? Or would it be better to leave her alone and assume all is well? And those what if’s…? 

Leaving is hard for our kids and it’s hard for us, their parents. Our role has changed. In many ways we’ve lost control and this can be good. It forces us to entrust our kids to God in a new way. 

Often, we the parent fall into one of two extremes. Some of us tend to be “helicopter parents,” hovering over our child, calling frequently, checking in to see if they got to class on time, made a new friend, are eating right. Others tend more towards the “hand’s off” approach- no news is good news. We raised them to be independent. So we don’t call; instead we wait for them to initiate contact. It is helpful to recognize which extreme you tend towards and which your spouse represents. And then take steps to a more balanced approach. (We have specific steps in our book!). 

Be encouraged, this awkwardness is normal. Our relationship with our child is changing and change is by nature awkward. It’s helpful to remind ourselves and to remind our child. 

“Son (or daughter), as you leave home we are naturally sad to see you go but we are excited for you. We are proud of who you have become and we have confidence in you. With your leaving we take a deeper step into an adult relationship with each other. This is new for us and new for you and it will be awkward at times but that’s normal and that’s ok. We will work through the bumps and we will develop a wonderful deep friendship in the years ahead.” 

We want to give a vision and proclaim hope!